How Unhinged Are You?

Reply 'lol no I have work' and go to sleep Say 'where to?' but ultimately don't go Start packing a bag while asking for details You're already in the car honking outside their house

Politely clap for other people who are singing Do one safe crowd-pleaser and hand it off Perform a passionate 7-minute Bohemian Rhapsody solo Turn it into a full concert with costume changes

Stay on route because you have a schedule to keep Google it, decide it's not worth it, keep driving Take the detour and spend an hour taking photos Take the detour and abandon the original trip entirely

Silently judge them while eating your sad desk salad Make a passive-aggressive joke in the group chat Microwave something worse the next day to assert dominance Print out a 'Fish Offender' wanted poster with their photo

Eat it anyway because confrontation is worse than wrong food Politely flag it down and ask them to fix it Eat both the wrong dish AND your correct one when it arrives Loudly announce you're now reviewing the dish they brought instead

Coffee at a well-reviewed cafe during daylight hours Dinner somewhere nice with a reasonable reservation time Suggest competitive axe throwing or go-kart racing Propose you both enter a local talent show as a duo

Pretend you didn't see them and hide in the kitchen Give a polite nod and keep your distance all night Walk up and say 'you look terrible' with a huge smile Befriend their new partner and become the life of their group

Take a deep breath and remember road rage isn't worth it Mutter insults they can't hear and move on with your life Pull alongside them and stare at them with zero expression Narrate their crimes into a dramatic voice memo for your group chat

Wait patiently because people have lives outside your texts Send a casual follow-up after 24 hours like nothing happened Screenshot it and start a group chat tribunal about it Send 14 follow-up memes to bury the vulnerable message in the chat

Decline because you know your limits and respect your stomach Put a tiny drop on a chip and act like it's a big deal Take a full spoonful and maintain eye contact while sweating Drink it straight from the bottle and ask if they have anything hotter

Delete the draft and pretend you never thought of it Run it by three friends first and send a watered-down version Send it and immediately throw your phone across the room Send it, screenshot it, and post it to your story for accountability

Signs exist for a reason and I am a respectful museum-goer I wonder what it feels like but I will never find out because rules Hover my hand one millimeter above it for the thrill of almost touching Touch it and if anyone asks I'll say I was 'testing the sign'

Stay out of it because food opinions aren't worth fighting over Drop a mild take and exit the conversation gracefully Write a 500-word essay defending your position with sources Order a pineapple pizza to the group chat instigator's house as proof

Avoid them all night and pray nobody notices the twin situation Laugh it off and make one joke about it then move on Find them immediately and insist on taking a twin photo together Propose you both commit to the bit and act like each other all night

Unlike it instantly and hope push notifications aren't real Unlike it and then stress about it privately for three days Leave the like and own it because fear is a construct Like 30 more old photos so it looks intentional and unhinged on purpose

Put in one earbud and give polite one-word answers until you arrive Listen politely and nod but forget everything by the time you're out Match their energy and start telling YOUR life story right back Exchange numbers and invite them to your birthday party next month